Monday, March 21, 2011

MazReal Reporter Claymore Jones Reports From Libya



 MazReal reporter Claymore 'The Mine' Jones takes a relaxed attitude whilst waiting for the action to happen out near Benghazi Libya. Christ knows when we will get some feedback from him. It seems that working on your tan is more important than writing copy.

(In reply to our last post anonymous commentator: Thanks for the interest and commentary, but we at MazReal don't use more gas than liquid household products in our car because when we get around we have our Malay servants Wang and Ishmael pushing us. It amazing how much gas we save. We actually get through large amounts of the two most expensive products however - Dom Perignon which we drink and nail varnish which we sniff both in industrial quantities. - Ed)

'Ol Blue Nose Has a Few things to Say....Plus Some Images Pile Up.





All day we at MazReal, now that the Mexican weather is verging on perfect, have been drinking chilled vodka and lazily swinging in our hammocks helped along by the Malay servants doing the physical bit. It is good to shut out the world every so often especially now that we are forcing our collective will on some other unfortunate Arab nation. Now that the French are involved we can feel a lot better about blowing up things and ordering French Fries, applying camembert cheese to our crackers and dabbing No.19 under the ears.

Creatively staring into space and silently philosophizing is therefore good, listening to nothing except the tinnitus and the yappy dog across the road (who one of these days by God we are going to dognap in a cardboard box and leave out by the airport) 

When one is lying in a comatose state Frank 'ol blue nose Snotra usually comes to mind. So here are some Frank quotes. He had to say these kind of inane things just to keep up his aura of cool. I bet the Rat Pack would give him a good ribbing if he came out with this lot in their presence.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.


I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.


Yes, real hats not damn baseball caps.




Frank goes oooooooo.Here he is trying to look interested while Grace Kelly shoves her big camera in his face.





At least if you are going to talk manly about booze all the time like Frank does, it should be sophisticated booze not this backwoods bourbon crap that he bangs on about. Stolichnaya, schnapps, Tom Collins, a Gibson, absinthe, armignac, Campari and Tonic, negroni. We could go on forever as this is a small example we have in our cosmopolitan cocktail bar.


Here's some pictures to look at ..........




I bet this smart-arse male ad copyrighter didn't have any women friends.




Now this is the way we like to smoke. Sophisticated yet utilitarian.



If anyone knows what the hell is going on here in this creepy image, you are free to comment. Looks like something Sarah Palin might be involved with.




"I dunno who the dang hell you are and I dont care if that is not a bible, marry us now or I'll blow you full of holes."



We all want a midmorning conference drinking water with our partner while sitting on a tractor. Yes sirrreeee.



You better keep this handy when your kids come and visit so you know what they are talking about in this modern parlance they use these days on Facebook. So if she brings 'twangie boy' into the conversation you know she's got her eye on some sexy hunk that plays sport and is probably a bit thin between the ears.








Thursday, March 3, 2011

Is Your Marriage on The Skids?


We all know that happily married expats stuck way out in the tropics can sometime begin to drift apart. We all know the British Empire produced the most cases of divorce in the history of this planet. There are many reasons for this:

Lack of proper body maintenance
Excessive wind
Too many servants give you nothing to do all day
Imparting unsolicited advice 24 hours a day
Finger pointing
Nagging
Looking uninteresting
Conflicts over power and gardening
Joining a drug cartel without prior discussion
avoiding his embrace
staring into space
incomplete daintiness
listening to Cliff Richard
Voting for Christine O'Donnell


Save it by:

Teaching your dog to do tricks
Dress up like a cartoon character
Compare yourself to an animal
Pretend you are a tourist.
go rock climbing
assassinate President Chavez
Jump out an airplane with one parachute
Join a religious cult


OR together go visit an exhibition of monotype prints at La LUNA bar and Grill

Rooster by Nan Robb


Our man of the moment 'Useless' Eustace Remington took the short walk down to La Luna Bar for a drink where he came upon an exhibition of monotype. Heading for the bar he was stopped dead in his tracks by some great works. A number which caught his eye especially a print of a cock by that talented, world famous artist Nan Robb. By the time he had elbowed his way through the crowds to the bar, ordered a drink, then another and five later, the picture Rooster by Nan Robb had a red dot on it. Probably the fastest selling print in any bar that he had ever been into and he's been into thousands. Sauntering debonairly around with a drink in each and his cheeks full of delicious bar snacks by that world renown chef Alastair Porteous, many other prints by equally famous artists caught his eye:

Lucila Santiago

Robynn Smith

Katherin Levin-Lau 


Marxist agitators aggressively sitting on the kerbside of Calle Niños Heroes shouting and making a nuisance of themselves.


Egressing for a breath of air and a puff on a cheroot, he spied across the road a louche collection of slovenly dodgy characters drinking home-made spirits asking for handouts for their revolutionary cause and shouting Socialist slogans and spraying graffiti calling for people to 'Recognise Cachaça' (That famous Brazilian Marxist spirit) and to vote for the Keg Party. (the party who call for bars to be open 24 hours and free drinks to all communist party card holders.) The intellectual hipster agitator in the sandals seems to want the illuminati destroyed. Which means he has a beef with that Bavarian secret society founded in 1776, the Freemasons, the Ordi Tempii Orientis and the Gøtterdåmmerung Society. Easy you lefty we think that is taking it a bit too damn far!

Giving them a wide berth Eustice hastened back into the safety of the packed bar where, as can be seen, the four barkeeps are having difficulty fulfilling the orders of the multitudes.






Rafael Avila Tirado

Another great piece by Rafael Avila Tirado. 'Useless' had to view this striking print from afar as it seemed to be guarded by another two characters, one a hoody and the other giving this famous journalist the 'eye'.



The news of this exhibition has gone far and wide as even a sailor had found her way here from the US navy starship USS BlackStarInterprize doing maneuvers above Stone Island.

The organizers and curators of this exhibition have done a fine job and lets hope that they all sell their works. Mazatlán is lucky to have an establishment that hangs interesting art. 


Eustice, you fool, where you just been is not a drinking establishment it is an art gallery!!! You are hereby sacked! - Editor. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Got Time On Your Hands? Great Mexican Photographer Interview.



An old school, foul-mouthed, Mexican photojournalist who documented death and brutality whenever it reared it's ugly head in Mexico City.



INTERVIEW: "Interview with Enrique Metinides" (2006)

Untitled (Empleado de Telefonos de Mexico electrocutado en el km. 13 de la carretera Mexico-Toluca), 1971

Interview with Enrique Metinides, Journal of Aesthetics and Protest

By Daniel Hernandez

I stood on the sidewalk on thunderous Avenida Revolución in the Escandon district of Mexico City at 1 p.m. on a weekday in October 2006. It was a nondescript apartment building with a large metal gate, through which I could see a long concrete courtyard with a few levels of apartments rising on either side. There was no sign of a doorbell or ringer. I stood there and waited. After a few minutes, a short balding man in plain slacks and a collared sweater approached me from down the sidewalk. He held a few open envelopes of business mail and made no effort to hide the suspicion written all over his face. In this dog-eat-dog city, there is no other way to meet a stranger. “Señor Metinides?” I asked. He said that’s who he was, and I introduced myself as the writer from Los Angeles here to interview him. Enrique Metinides, the great Mexican photojournalist, opened the gate to his building and led me in silence to the rear of the courtyard, up the stairs and to his second-level apartment. It was a clean, bright space with tile floors and cream-colored walls. Framed photographs of family and children and knickknacks were displayed all over the furniture. Colorful couches faced a wide-screen television and several shelves of DVDs. We sat down on his couch and his look of suspicion did not waver. As I figure out what to ask him first, his eyes remained fixed on me, cool and aloof.

A High Voltage Cable Snaps Loose and Hits a Man Walking Along Tacaba Street. Despite Being Badly Electrocuted, He Survived, 1958

“They’ve just given me an interview from L.A.,” Metinides huffed, “See, here, in this magazine of … fashion? Of whores...”

We laugh together at this outburst and this surprises us both. Metinides, I immediately realize, is a classic old-school journalist: hard-boiled, foul-mouthed, and blessed with a cynical and fatalistic wit. Which also happens to be one of the defining characteristics of cosmopolitan Mexicans.

Although he hasn’t published a photograph in almost fifteen years, Metinides can safely be called the most prolific news photographer of his generation. Between 1946, when he was barely twelve years old, and 1993, when he was muscled out of his “nota roja” newspaper job, Metinides was a tenacious documenter of death and brutality in the chambers of Mexico City's hospitals, police stations, and morgues. He shot murders, suicides, auto and aviation accidents, fires, drowning, and crime scenes—sometimes in action. He breathed his work, sleeping at night with a police scanner always near his ear. He rode along to the scene of an accident or homicide on ambulances and fire trucks.

Metinides possessed throughout his career a reporter’s instinctual hunger for gore, taste for the absurd, and a classically Mexican affection for death. As often as he could, he framed shots at news scenes as wide as possible in order to capture the throngs of captivated but emotionally disinterested onlookers. He would find crime victims eager to pose seductively for his camera, even as their wounds were still fresh. When a woman shot herself at her wedding day altar after being stood up, Metinides photographed a close-up of her blood-splattered love letters. He owns a large collection of images of young children with their arms stuck in pipes and sinks, their faces grimacing in shock and horror, with gloomy adults lingering all around them.

The cinematic beauty of gangster flicks influenced him as a child. When his father gave him his first camera, Metinides approached even his earliest photographs—of arrested criminals at police stations, of car accidents outside his front door—stills from films that existed only in his head.



Hernandez: I read that you were given your first camera at age twelve. Is that true?

Metinides: Yes. What happened was my father sold cameras.

H: Where?

M: On Avenida Juárez, here in Mexico, in the Distrito Federal. A few steps away from the Alameda Central, there used to be a hotel that was called Hotel Regis, which was the most famous hotel of that era. My father sold cameras, film, and developed pictures. And he had a New York-style shoe shine place with twelve shoe-shiners, for tourists mostly.

On top of that he sold postcards from all over the republic, with pictures of monuments, the avenidas, all of Mexico. And when they remodeled that corner, they had to move five businesses, one of which was my father's. That's when he gave me a camera and a bag full of film. And he showed me how to put in the film. I was ten years old, if that. And my passion for photography grew because I used to go by myself to the cinemas, and there were many in the city.

H: Cinemas.

M: And I would go more than anything to the action films. I would see all those movies in the cinemas. Especially James Garney, Al Capone, “Masacre de San Valentín,” all those films I would see. I would love to watch the chases, the shoot-outs—all the gangster movies. I would also see all the “Superman” reels. These movies lasted maybe fifteen minutes each episode. They would always end in the moment that someone was about to die, so that you would have to return the next week to see what happened. And so I would take my camera and photograph the screen. And then I started taking pictures of the city, the centro, monuments, avenidas, streets, cars—the people. That's how I started my collection of pictures.

H: Where did you live then?

M: We lived on Avenida Hidalgo. And then we moved to Plaza de Vizcaínas—all of centro. On Avenida San Juan de Letrán, which is now called Lázaro Cárdenas, there was a cinema on every block. And in most of the cinemas they played action films. These movies. [He points to his extended collection of old gangster flick DVDs.] Then it occurred to me to take pictures of car accidents. Because back then when there was an accident cars would be left just as they were for up to a week. It wasn't like today, where a car crashes and right away, it's gone. They'd leave them. So everyday I would look at the newspapers and look for an accident that had happened. And I would go to the scene of the accident and take pictures and the cars would still be there. And even though I wasn't even eleven years old, the police wouldn't say anything to me. There would always be police guarding the cars. That's when my father opened a restaurant. And so I would have all my little photos at the restaurant, and I would take them to school to show them to the teachers.



H: Yes.

M: On one occasion at the restaurant some officers came to eat from the Seventh Delegation, a police delegation. It was half a block from the restaurant. And when I showed them my photographs to the officers, they invited me to come to the delegation to take pictures. So I would show up at the delegation to photograph the dead, the detained, the totaled cars out front. My collection grew.

H: They invited you themselves?

M: They invited me to the delegation. And so, the first picture I took was this one. [He shows me a picture of a police officer holding up a severed head.] He was murdered. They placed his neck on the train tracks and it cut off his head.

H:Hijole.

M: And this picture, when I took it, I was about to turn twelve.

H: And you weren't scared? It didn't give you nausea?

M: Well of course I was scared! Yes, I was scared. But I was cured.

H: Why were you attracted to taking pictures of dead people?

M: Because of the movies! [I laugh.] Seriously!

H: And what did your father say, your mother?

M: No, well, I hid a lot. “Chamacho!” they would tell me, mostly. But here comes the second part. Lots of cars passed through San Cosme. So I would always have the camera at the restaurant. The funny thing was one day a car crashed right in San Cosme, a couple blocks from the restaurant. So there I go, to take pictures. And a taxi arrives with a photographer from La Prensa. He saw me taking pictures and he asked me if I liked to take pictures. I tell him, “Yes.” He says, “Come see me at La Prensa. I am a photographer from there. I am Antonio Velasquez.” So I go, I talk to him, I show him my pictures, and he asks me to come work there.



I showed up every morning at ten with my camera, which was a camera de cajon that took black-and-white pictures, and I would tag along with him when he worked, going as a photographer from La Prensa to the police incidents of the city. The route we took every day was the jail and Hospital Juarez, where they kept the cadavers and the injured. And then the Red Cross. I would not only see dead people, but thirty or forty dead people in a single day. So I got used to seeing dead people—and more dead people—and I took their pictures. And we would go to where the dead person was, and since the authorities then the reporter do his work, we would go right inside the houses where the crime had occurred, on the street, in the factory, in a ditch, or wherever, and I would take pictures of all those dead people. And the funny thing is we would develop the rolls together, mine and his—and I had better pictures than he did! Because I would get in where he wouldn’t go. So I have pictures on the front page of La Prensa at twelve years old, with my name on the front page, which is a completely unique case.

H: But you would go where the crimes had happened?

M: Ah, no, [yes], I got to go to the scenes of the strong shoot-outs, the crimes, the action. But I had so much luck that in the moment that I arrived, the best stuff happened. Because I believe there is no good photographer without good luck. Why? Because I would get to a fire and the best picture happened when I got there. It would collapse, someone would jump–it was really something–really, it was very extraordinary what would happen to me, very rare.

H: And you wouldn't have nightmares?

M: Oh, yes, I would cry at night. I would dream it. I was in this day and night. I would dream of something happening and it would happen.

H: You're kidding.

M: On top of that, the other photographers were so jealous of me. Because the other photographers were already older, and I was just a kid. They were jealous, and know what they did? One day the put water in my developer. My roll was ruined. The editor got so mad, he fired me.

H: Better for you.

M: Of course. I worked, as a freelancer, for the magazine Alarma. And the entire magazine was filled with my police photographs. And I kept freelancing for La Prensa. Until 1960, when one of the police reporters managed to become editor. If you want to look him up, Manuel Buendia, who was killed on Insurgentes. In fact, I happened to take his picture when he died, at the scene of the incident.

H: And the public knew who you were? The readers?

M: Yes, no, well, the newspaper was well known, in journalism circles. All the newspapers knew me since I was a child. Me, as a child, at twelve years old, I rode in the firetrucks all over the city.



H: They let you?

M: The firefighters carried me on their shoulders! And I'd take these fotazos that no one else would get because I would go right into the biggest flames. That went on for many years. I had many firefighter friends. […] You know what was my password with them?

H: What?

M: I'd give them pictures of the fires they worked.

H: To them?

M: In the Red Cross, I'd give them pictures of them picking up the injured. So we became friends, and they'd help me. The medics even let me take pictures inside the operating rooms, in the emergency rooms. And then I would give them their pictures and they keep them, as keepsakes. And so, they even started looking for me. They would look for me because I took pictures of them when they operated.

H: Very sharp of you.

M: I never sold them pictures, eh? I always gave them their pictures as gifts. So they would look for me. 'Come because we have a person who's been shot, a knife nailed in a heart…' [He shows me photographs in the book "El Teatro de los Hechos," published by the Mexico City municipal government and now out of print.] This is a young woman whose boyfriend wanted to kill her. And look at the report I did on her at the police station. [I laugh as he shows me a series of photographs of a beautiful young lady with long hair, dark eye makeup, and a go-go miniskirt and tall boots, first giving testimony to an investigator and then posing for Metinides' camera on top of a desk.]

H: She got into a pose.

M: Yes! [We laugh.] Isn't it terrific?

H: Yes, no. She liked the camera.

M: Yes. It's not like today, the photographer goes, takes two pictures, and leaves. I liked doing a whole report. And another thing that I grew accustomed to doing was taking pictures of the people who were looking at the accident. Because in these movies [He points to his collection of DVDs of old gangster flicks] what really drew my attention was the people looking, looking at a burning building, and how you could see the flames off their faces, but in black-and-white. And so it got in my head that the miron, the crowd that comes near, is important as well.

H: Why?

M: Why? Because they life to the pictures.

H: Yes.

M: So I would photograph the miron. All the photographers that arrive at accidents push the people aside when they are in the way. I did the reverse. Look. [He shows me another photograph, a classic Metinides image of an auto accident with a large crowd of onlookers.] Tell me if the mirones are not important. Doesn't it give the photo more to look at?

H: Yes. Well, its full of people. Yes.

M: My photos became famous because of this, because the people gave life to the photos. The photographer today arrives and photographs just the bus.

H: And because Mexican people love to go look ...

M: Ah, no! They're practically walking on the injured, on the cadavers, and on top of that the police never says anything. [We laugh.] They're all top of each other. Look. [Another picture of a bus accident.] Now don't the picture give it more to look at? But the photographer today just photographs the bus. And I'd always look for a high spot, a building or something, or even posts, or on top of a bus, to photograph the people.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

MazReal Famed Writer Returns to The Offices Of MazReal Mazatlán


Ace reporter Eustace "Useless" Post Toasties Cornflake Remington returns back to the fold after his disappearance in the Phillipines with his manservant Weng. Senor Remington is photographed being greeted by his three wives he left behind in Mazatlán. 





"Useless" the famed art critic and provocateur will be uploading dispatches on the local art scene, food and drink, bringing you useless information and of course the goings on of the expatriate population in this fine city. There seems to have been many changes since his enforced disappearance  - new art galleries, new artists, skullduggery and back stabbings (literally and metaphorically). Eustace is prone to telling 'porky pies' or blatant lies more often than not but that will not deter him from his mission to bring the news to you.

Chocks away Eustace!

(The views of Eustace Post Toasties Cornflake Remington are in no way those of MazReal who take no responsibility in the hurt or mayhem they may cause.)

How to Handle a Baby For all The Oldies



Unless any retired people out there are thinking of having a baby as most will be as old as Rajo Devi Loh of 70 years and you do succeed in having one either by natural means, adoption, babysitting or kidnapping, here is a handy dos and donts of how to handle one as I am sure you would have forgotten by how.










But here is something that a toddler is really good for. Practise your knife throwing whilst mum looks on proudly at their little fella ready to pull a wayward Bowie knife out.

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