South African Image Mash Up

My plane from London to South Africa was chock full of Americans dressed up in well ironed and pressed brand new khaki safari gear with lots of pockets full of compasses, cameras, long lenses, iPads, flash lights, portable cooking appliances, tents, emergency rations and GPS thingies. Useful things for their stay in luxury resorts in the Kruger National Wild Animal Park. Also on the plane were many Canadians dressed in shorts with lots of empty pockets, T shirts and baseball caps with a Canadian flag on the back and backpacks also with a Canadian flag on the back. They were all over excited at the prospect of seeing buffaloes and lions and thorny flat topped trees with other smelly, fly-ridden wild animals sleeping in the shade underneath. I was also going in the same direction and was also over excited at the prospect of seeing Jersey cows, little raggedy guys running around who live in white round houses, lots of misty places, underground Australian refugees, Doily Trees and baboons hiding behind bushes.

Here are some pictures of my South African Tour................................................................................

A Jersey cow leaning over for the benefit of tourists who want to see leaning Jersey cows in an African setting from the view point of someone sitting on the floor of a fully functioning dairy. It it a little known fact in developed countries that Africa does operate modern dairies and does raise sophisticated animals such as cows as well as buffalo and lions and baboons.

The 'Synchronised Jersey Calf' troupe performing for the tourists.

Force feeding the head of a calf for the benefit of tourists.



More stuff after the cut

MazReal in South Africa - Reporting

The goddamn lazy staff at MazReal went on strike over the cold and damp conditions they had to endure whilst huddling around a lump of hot coal in their shed down at the docks in Whitechapel or was it Limehouse London Yoo Kay. Anyway whilst they were high in the air cruising over the deserts of Mali flying south not long after setting a timer on high explosives that destroyed their shed and the surrounding east end of London in an explosion that sent the gross domestic product of that struggling country of Yoo Kay on a downward spiral and all the usual suspects - all immigrants from Irish and Arab speaking countries, to be rounded up and shot.

The aforementioned staff looked for a country without jet lag and terrain that easily matches that of their beloved homelands in Mazatlán Sinaloa State Mexico - thorns, scrub, dust, dirt, swamps, insects, mosquitoes, snakes, an infinite variety of smells, lots of poor people, corruption, scorpions and of course buffaloes, tortoises, lizards and other big predators - but without the debilitating humidity of that area. And they came up with South Africa.

South African Airways drop us in Kwazululimpopo, a speck on the map of Africa.

We went South African naturally. Flying South African Airways was always a delight and we couldn't fault the sloppy service as a dish of something grey with bones was thrown in our laps and the inflight entertainment of flapping wings, one engine falling off over Tanzania and freezing draughts through the dislodged fuselage panels was a one in a million wondrous experience. The landing in some totally random area of the country was also a wonderful way to experience the African bush at first hand and the loss of a number of passengers to hungry large cats was a great way to become accustomed to Darwin's great philosophical work of art The Survival Of The Fittest.

South Africa's lush vegetation and climate never fails to satisfy.

Back at the airport as luck would have it we found a shady tree under which we could gain a little respite from 45 degree C (about 300 degrees F) on the 10 mile walk from terminal 1 to terminal 2 at Johannesburg's fabulous Oliver Tambo International airport.Fortunately our baggage had been rifled of all contents so we had little to carry through the furnace of heat and we were able then to use the empty bags as rafts to cross the crocodile infested Zimbimzulu River only losing three babies to the hungry crocs. We will never forget the self-sacrifice of these plump pink babies that we tossed in the river upstream so the crocodiles diverting to eat them left us time to get to the other bank. However a  further seven of our passengers on the onward flight to Mzilikazikazi were lost to big cats or pythons before we managed to find safety in terminal 2.

 more news from the bottom of Africa after the jump.........