Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Musings on 6th July.

As you know we at MazReal use monkeys on Macs to write our blogs as do many other online magazines and blogs. Whereas they generally use one common or garden resus or capuchin monkey chained to a desk we use near on ten thousand unpaid black macaques pounding away on computer keyboards in the hope they will produce another Danté but most as you know if you read this, produce crap. We do it because it is difficult to sue a black macaque if it offends people's sensibilities as they have done on one or two occasions and they are cheap on salaries but expensive on jungle fruit.

On rare occasions the editor of this online publication has to write an editorial without the help of the lower primate simians. Here at MazReal we like to equate ourselves with the man himself below, our hero Clint Eastwood because we believe in his early screen persona - a man of few words but when he spoke, each word was deadly important and it generally meant a quick death by gunshot a few seconds later. We abhor guns and think they should be forcibly stuck up the arse of the owner and discharged in a public viewing. But instead of placing a bullet in the chamber, an enema should be introduced instead. (what a laugh that will be. All those gun owners running around trying to find a toilet)

We don't really know what direction this editorial is going but will continue anyway and follow some random thoughts.

Blogs are private musings made public by a population of social networkers (as most of us have become) who think their lives are really so damn interesting that everyone should be involved. Many bloggers seriously want to share ideas - recipes, travel information and news and most of the bloggers from this city do just that. I have found a great restaurant in Villa Union from one blogger and a bread shop from another and the state of the road to Durango from another. Really important stuff.

But I do miss the bygone days of ignorance when you had to go to a public library to find information, saying hello to people on the way, chatting to a corner-shop owner who might happen to have a jewel between her eyes and come from Uttar Pradesh, doffing your cap to some old man who hangs around the street talking to himself. Electronic communities build nothing. They cheat you out of becoming. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How great is it to get your butt off that revolving chair and go out. "We are", as Kurt Vonnegut says, "here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anyone tell you any different."

Ignorance can produce a kind of frisson or excitement to a journey or cooking food or driving around an unknown town till you encounter somewhere unexpected to eat or finding yourself someplace that is so damn out of bounds and dangerous that your adrenaline level explodes and you come out of the situation alive and hyper-excited. I know, because I have used ignorance to enhance many journeys and assignments.

We have to leave Mazatlán soon for a while and have so far luckily sold our troupe of black macaques to Fox news so they may write for the replacement of Glenn Beck who only had one senile baboon of the super lower primate family writing for him.

Our team leading macaque was this young lady Geraldine who took this charming self portrait grinning like a mad person from behind sexy bedroom eyes and she promises (using monkey jibbering and squeals) that she will ensure that Fox news will bring out un-biased rantings such as the tweets (see below) that she has already tweeted from her monkey computers here at the abandoned Mazatlán tuna factory where she and her macaque colleagues used to work.

Geraldine's tweetings seems to infer that the President of the USA was assassinated on July 4th while eating at Ross's. So it seems she has settled in nicely slotting her hairy legs neatly underneath those Fox desks and furiously banging away on those right leaning Fox keyboards. Good luck Geraldine and when the 'Mad Digger' Rupert Murdock swings by don't forget to take a big chunk out his arse, from us.

Anyway, in honor of the inspirational figure who has provided hope to insane people seeking broadcast news jobs all across the country, here’s a montage of some his most splendidly disturbing moments by way of Media Matters:

Sadly, he is planning to reemerge, but it will be in a lesser form on some bullshit platform that doesn’t have nearly as much reach as the latter.


  1. See, I knew it would be a good idea to have a beer at PV. Buen viaje!

  2. I think Geraldine already found a new job in customer service and I talked to her yesterday when I called my insurance company. Either that or it was an Ethiopian fast talker on his lunch break.


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